Ya, I Am

We have become a nation that is overly concerned with our children's self esteem. It has become a hot topic in parenting magazines. Schools attempt to make everything "even", "fair", "valued". Our society is busy putting stars on all papers with no grades and making sure everyone gets a participant ribbon. We tell children they are "Great! Fantastic! Beautiful!" But empty praise is recognized by children and this push to reward everyone is making children feel less. It removes need for effort, pride, the amazing feeling that comes with true success. That is not what I want for my children. I believe in respecting differences and fostering creativity. I believe in hard work, a farm girl has no other idea how work happens, and I think anything you want to do is possible if you believe in yourself. But we don't continue society's everyone is even and you did great attitude. In our house you will hear the word "No!" Princess, my five year old, says I say that too often. I ask about low grades and what Sport, the middle school teen, could have done better or different. Was real effort put forth or is there confusion for the subject? We talk about things and call a spade a spade, ugly or not. Don't get me wrong, I tell my children daily I love them. I compliment them on their activities and projects and effort. They know they are special and I am proud of them, EVEN WHEN THEY MAKE MISTAKES! They know they will fail. They know they will mess up. They know others will be better than them sometimes. They know they will lose.

 SO, is this impacting their fragile self esteem? Princess dresses in her own get ups each day. I bite my tongue often, it does not hurt anyone, but when the clashing is overwhelming and the outfit would be picked up from outer space I make a suggestion. There have been times when I have flat out said, "No, you are not going out in that!" She continues to dress in her own configurations and often emerges from her room with, "Mommy, aren't I beautiful today?"

Monkey, the two-year-old, has a new phrase. "Ya, I am!" I heard it for the first time a week or so ago. We were playing together and I just had one of those my heart is overflowing from the love I feel as your mom moments. I looked at him with this love and said, "Monkey, you are so cute!" "Ya, I am so cute!" he spouted right back. I laughed, shared the story with the grandma, and went about our life. I began to notice that throughout the week I heard this from him often though. "Ya, I am so funny! Ya, I am so cute! Ya, I am!"

Parenting is hard. The most important things we can do for our kids is teach them to question, think, and give them a solid bases of who they are. I think in our participant ribbon star scored world I am off setting this at home to teach my children to self esteem. I think I am raising kids to know they are loved, who trust themselves, who know their worth, and who understand failure is a fact. Ya, I am a good mom! Self esteem in check here.